Had some good kindred spirit bonding time today.

Talked about our futures. what we want to do. our plans.

There's a lot of uncertainty.

But we're learning to trust, rely, lean on the understanding not of our own, but of our Father in heaven.

He knows best.

It's tough to sit back,

give up all control.

To wait.

But that's just what trust is : a confident expectation of something; hope.

I'm learning trustworthiness.
Keeping my mouth shut.
Being blameless.
Listening. Being completely with a person.

Been doing some thinking today: various needs, desires, memories, projects, "to-do's", and thanks fill my head.
I've realized I have quite a bit I'd like to do.
I'm a list-maker. Everything. Organization is my thing.

I make bucket lists at least once a month. Whether it be things to do before I'm dead, or before the next weekend.

Anyway,

I've been feeling young, lately. Helpless. Dependent.

I don't like this. I like being in control. In charge. A leader. Free to make any decision, take any path that comes my way. I tend to get anxious, on-edge, when this freedom is taken from me. Obedience is difficult for me. Not so much the doing what I'm told, but the heart of it. The joy. Dealing with no explanations or reasons.

I hate praying for humility. For God to break me. 
Because I know that He answers prayers. And the truth is, I don't want to be broken. I've gotten used to, comfortable, with my pride. With this need to be in control.
But.
God promises to do what is best for His people. I am His child. And if He see's fit that I be broken, broken is what I shall be. 
Lord, have your way.
I am not my own.

Thinking About...

- My father. Serving my Family. Loving Obedience.
- Training. Running. Diets. Lifting Weights.
- Music. New Bands. Singing. Piano. Writing songs with Nathan.
- Camping. Jumping off the Pier. Visiting friends. Tanning.
- Writing. Devotions. Journals. Letters.
- College. Purpose. Vocation. Passions.
- Money. Finding a Job. Raising Mission Funds.
- My friends. Unconditional Love. Selflessness. Pursuing.
- Encouragement. Blessing. Serving. Honoring.
- Summer. Drama. Memories.
- Family Camp 2010. Excited.
- Thankfulness.
- Purity. Modesty. Gentle and quiet spirits.

my stomach's in knots.

...not in the good way.

Jesus, you intercede for us.

so many thoughts,
i'm at a loss for words.


Lord,
hear my groaning spirit.
thank you for your promises.
make me more than content in all circumstances.
give me the eyes. the heart. the wisdom to live in light of Your love. Your will. Your glory.

Jesus, make me a prayer warrior.

I'd like to travel.

The LORD your God is in your midst, 
a mighty one who will save; 
he will rejoice over you with gladness; 
he will quiet you by his love; 
he will exult over you with loud singing.


Zephaniah 3:17.

Cool.

My Portion Forever.

I'm beyond thankful.

God has poured out His blessings on my life with which my heart is now overflowing.

"I am always with you; 

you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? 
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, 
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:23-26.

I'm learning the power of wordless prayer - of silence.

Of being still and knowing that God is who He says He is.

My All in All. My Rock, Fortress, Shelter. My Comfort. My Father.
He is sufficient.

The giving of Himself is the greatest gift of grace I'll ever receive.

and I'm thankful.