Been doing some thinking today: various needs, desires, memories, projects, "to-do's", and thanks fill my head.
I've realized I have quite a bit I'd like to do.
I'm a list-maker. Everything. Organization is my thing.

I make bucket lists at least once a month. Whether it be things to do before I'm dead, or before the next weekend.

Anyway,

I've been feeling young, lately. Helpless. Dependent.

I don't like this. I like being in control. In charge. A leader. Free to make any decision, take any path that comes my way. I tend to get anxious, on-edge, when this freedom is taken from me. Obedience is difficult for me. Not so much the doing what I'm told, but the heart of it. The joy. Dealing with no explanations or reasons.

I hate praying for humility. For God to break me. 
Because I know that He answers prayers. And the truth is, I don't want to be broken. I've gotten used to, comfortable, with my pride. With this need to be in control.
But.
God promises to do what is best for His people. I am His child. And if He see's fit that I be broken, broken is what I shall be. 
Lord, have your way.
I am not my own.