I wrote this last year. Still learning.

God is love.
something I know I don't think about very much.
and not only is he the essence of love.

but He loves.
He loves me.
He loves me.

why is it so hard for me to believe?
why do I so often turn away?
so slow to embrace Him. embrace His love.

I read on a friend's blog today that God is jealous.
He wants to be pursued too.
He wants to be loved too.

that kinda woke me up.

sometimes I fall into this overwhelming self pity about how I don't
feel loved.
don't feel pursued.
except now that I think about it,
God has to feel the same way.
He knows my pain.
He knows my sorrows.
He knows my weaknesses.
He knows my desires.
He knows my needs.

But God has desires too.
He wants my love. He wants my relationship. He wants my time.
He doesn't just want them. He is jealous for them.
He is fighting all those other things (people, activities, books.
etc...)
that I seem to give my time to in a heartbeat.
and yet when it comes to God,
I complain.
spending time with Him just doesn't seem as good as with boys.
just doesn't seem as meaningful as my books.
and just doesn't seem as fun as ultimate frisbee.

But the truth is,
i think i just really need to wake up.
because all creation is screaming at me to.
because God IS good enough.
His love IS sufficient.
His amazing grace IS all I need.

And I'm learning to be thankful.

like David in a lot of the Psalms.
so overwhelmed with the joy of his relationship with God.
speaking and singing and writing praises to Him.
out of a heart of worship.

That's what I desire.

[a heart of worship.]